Food was controlling my life

So over the past year and a half I’ve had some good days and some bad days. It’s really difficult sometimes to forget all of my old bad habits; especially when you’ve had an absolute awful day, your sad, your stressed out, celebrating anything, or just being happy, etc. All of these habits I’ve associated with one thing, and that thing is FOOD. It’s my trigger. I struggle with it everyday. I now know that it’s a problem, that I have to stop leaning on food for support and comfort. It’s taken me a year and a half to realize this. But, growing up that’s how I was taught to deal with life’s situations. When I was in middle school I was bullied ALOT, because of my weight. & how my mom would make me feel better, was to have a treat. It could have been ice cream, sweets, or just regular food. & ever since then, that’s how Ive dealt with life’s problems. Being bullied played a giant part of my weight, I ate all my feelings. Every. Single. One. Of. My. Feelings. So to say today, that I have overcome this in some way is a BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT. I know that food doesn’t have to be the center of everything, I’ve found other vices to help myself through situations. One of those vices being the gym! I now crave that workout, I use that outlet to get out my anger and frustration. & it seriously works. It’s a life long journey that I’m on, and of course it’s not going to be easy. But, I will no longer let food dictate my emotions or my life. I will be better than the person I was yesterday, I will keep pushing forward. It’s the little accomplishments that mean the most.

Starting my journey

Why did I decide to change my life and start being healthier?! I’ve gotten asked this question so many times in the last year. I decided to change my lifestyle because I had this awful dream! I binge watched ‘my 600 lb life’ on tlc like a crazy person. I was a crying mess. I felt every emotion these people had, all their struggles I had the same or similar ones, their obsession with food was the same for me. Emotional eating is what I had a obsession with. It took over my life,mentally and physically!! I went to bed that night and had this nightmare of what my future would be. & it scared the HELL OUT OF ME. I was in my 40’s, unmarried, no kids, all these cats (I mean, I knew that part), and I was so overweight that I could no longer leave my apartment due to my weight. My sister and her husband and kids had to come and see me. & when I woke up the next morning, I balled my eyes out. I decided at that very moment that I needed to change. I knew for a fact that I couldn’t let that dream ever become my future. I have so much more to offer, I couldn’t imagine my life or my future to be so depressing and that I was literally digging my own grave. That day in June, I decided to change my eating habits. I couldn’t weigh myself then, I was too afraid of what the numbers would be. So I slowly changed my eating habits, which for me, that was a huge deal. I was the fast food & giant soda queen!! I went through extreme soda withdrawals for almost 2 whole weeks! How insane is that?! Having your body so depended on a drink that you are literally causing your body to have withdrawals?! Insane. That right there opened my eyes and showed my how much I’ve damaged my body. & in July I started adding walking everyday when I got home from work! & the rest is history! I’m almost down 70 lbs now and I’m still going! I’m not on this journey to become “skinny”, I’m here to be “HEALTHY”! I’m here to to live the life I deserve, & there is no goal I can’t reach!