Over the past year and a half I have discovered so much about myself. I found out that I am…resilient! I can do anything that I put my mind to! When you see yourself succeed and you see what you can, its addicting! I used to have this mind set of thinking “I don’t deserve love, I don’t deserve to be happy, I don’t deserve to love myself”. I had this negative voice in the back of my head for years! Always listening to her, saying your right, I don’t deserve it. I let all the negative comments and bullying over the years take over my inner thoughts. Believing that they were all true. Growing up I was called some of the most awful names, I was bullied on my weight (almost everyday), and I just let it happen. Why? Because I believed them!! How could I have let myself believe these awful people? Why was I letting them dictate my life? I let them do that to me for YEARS. How insane is that? It all stopped once I turned 25, thats when I decided to change my life! Once I decided to love myself, the “real” me, it was all over. The negative comments didn’t affect me, I didn’t let them rule my life anymore. It was such a weight off my shoulders, to finally accept myself and look in the mirror & say “Danielle, you deserve anything that you want! You just have to go out there and get it!!”. I think we all have gotten to that point in our lives, where we just have to say ENOUGH!! You can’t let the opinion of others dictate your life and let them tell you how you should feel. It still mind boggles me that people still think that they have the right to tell someone how they should be living their life. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN CHOOSE THE LIFE YOU LIVE. Don’t let those people get to you. Don’t let yourself get pulled down with them. You are a goddess, and you deserve to be happy. You deserve to love yourself. You deserve whatever life you choose. The key word in all of the is YOU! Don’t let others bring you down, you can only go up from here! Make sure you shine bright, so bright you blind all the ones that hurt you, the ones that called you names, the ones who said you weren’t worth it. SHINE BRIGHT & NEVER LOOK BACK!
I don’t know what it is, or why it’s happening so much lately, but I’m having these overly emotional days. You know like when you can’t seem to stop yourself from crying when your just plain frustrated, or your so stressed out that you instantly start crying. I’ve always been very emotional. ALWAYS. But, lately it’s happening more and more. I have so much going on that I swear my emotions just don’t know what to do! Between school (all the homework, studying, tests,etc), work (not working enough because of school, needing more money, always barely making it to the next payday), & loosing weight (which is a daily battle). My emotions are literally screaming WTF everyday. I know I just need to breath, and to take it one day at a time, & I’m a drama queen. I admit it proudly. I’m the BIGGEST DRAMA QUEEN. That’s a given, lol. But, seriously! This overwhelming feeling that automatically brings me to tears is crazy. I just need to stop over doing it; I need to relax more, sleep more, & have some quiet non talking nights. You know?! This weightloss journey I’m on has shown me more of myself, & it’s shown me that I can do so much more than I give myself credit for. I just need to breath. Inhale the good vibes, and exhale the craziness I’m feeling! Crying all the time isn’t a way to handle myself, but I know that it my body’s way of showing me that I’m overdoing it, that I’m building up my emotions too much and now they are literally falling out of me in tears. Just need to breath. That’s easier said than done, but I’m going to try! Here’s to hoping for less tearful days!!
I get a lot of inquires on how I stay so motivated. & to me it’s so simple! I see my body now, and I still remember how I felt when I was 72 pounds heavier, & that was a hard time in my life. I didn’t want to see myself in any mirrors that were full body. Hiding myself in big oversized sweaters that covered me up like a blanket. Now?! I wear whatever the hell I want! I don’t hide away, I show off my hard work! I EARNED THIS BODY! So hell yeah I’m going to wear the new trendy styles and wear all the clothes I only dreamed of when I was bigger. What some people don’t understand is that being overweight is so hard. Your mindset is down this ugly, depressing hole, & you can’t seem to climb your way out. So what do you do?! Eat! & then you just keep gradually getting bigger. You then try and buy clothes and you CANT FIT ANYTHING. So you go to a plus size store where they charge you 85 bucks for one pair of jeans. So you get depressed again. & what do you do?! Eat some more & cry, ALOT. Or at least that was me. So remembering all of that. Knowing that, I know I can do better! I know I can be this confident, body positive, stylish, motivated girl! I can do it! Why?! Because I’ve been to the hateful, ugly, depressed side of life. & I don’t ever want to go back. So I STAY MOTIVATED! I give myself props! I make goals, I take a BAZILLION pictures to keep & compare them with older ones. I’m my biggest motivator. Because I climbed my way out of that ugly, depressing hole I was living in. & im enjoying the sunshine & I’m loving myself! No longer hiding, I’m living for me now! So my motivation BEAMS THROUGH ME like a ray of light! It cannot be blocked, it’s too bright & brilliant for anything to stop it now.
Loosing weight comes with many ups and downs. There are so many good things that come out of loosing weight. Your confidence is building, your learning to love and accept your body, and you start to really enjoy life! & what I mean by really enjoy life is, your not depressed all the time, your stepping out of your home and getting out in the world! Your not stuck in your room wishing you didn’t hate yourself & wish that you never have to walk by a mirror again. That’s how I was. I hated pictures, going out, eating in public was the worst! It just never thought that loosing weight and starting to work on myself would help me in anyway! Anytime my family would bring up my weight in the slightest way I would burst into tears. It got so bad that they just stopped commenting on my appearance little by little and would just compliment me all the time. Which isn’t the best way to handle anything in life either. Since loosing weight, I still have some lingering bad thoughts. I don’t think those thoughts will ever leave my mind. It’s hard to change that. Especially when you hear comments like “I never knew you were THAT BIG” or “you used to wear this BIG of a shirt?! Omg!” Or “your face used to be so big!!”. Comments like this aren’t meant to be taken as negative remarks, but it’s taken that way. I know that people mean well, and that they are trying to support me and my journey! It’s just those certain comments bring out those awful thoughts I had about myself. & it’s hard to not react that way. You just have to get to a certain mindset and let those comments roll off your back. It’s a day by day challenge we all face. You can’t let words hurt you anymore, you have to see that light at the end of the tunnel. It’s all about the journey, it’s about finding you! Your worth it! & you are more than those words. You chose to be happy, you chose to change your life & to BE HAPPY! Keep your head up, you can face anything!
So over the past year and a half I’ve had some good days and some bad days. It’s really difficult sometimes to forget all of my old bad habits; especially when you’ve had an absolute awful day, your sad, your stressed out, celebrating anything, or just being happy, etc. All of these habits I’ve associated with one thing, and that thing is FOOD. It’s my trigger. I struggle with it everyday. I now know that it’s a problem, that I have to stop leaning on food for support and comfort. It’s taken me a year and a half to realize this. But, growing up that’s how I was taught to deal with life’s situations. When I was in middle school I was bullied ALOT, because of my weight. & how my mom would make me feel better, was to have a treat. It could have been ice cream, sweets, or just regular food. & ever since then, that’s how Ive dealt with life’s problems. Being bullied played a giant part of my weight, I ate all my feelings. Every. Single. One. Of. My. Feelings. So to say today, that I have overcome this in some way is a BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT. I know that food doesn’t have to be the center of everything, I’ve found other vices to help myself through situations. One of those vices being the gym! I now crave that workout, I use that outlet to get out my anger and frustration. & it seriously works. It’s a life long journey that I’m on, and of course it’s not going to be easy. But, I will no longer let food dictate my emotions or my life. I will be better than the person I was yesterday, I will keep pushing forward. It’s the little accomplishments that mean the most.
Why did I decide to change my life and start being healthier?! I’ve gotten asked this question so many times in the last year. I decided to change my lifestyle because I had this awful dream! I binge watched ‘my 600 lb life’ on tlc like a crazy person. I was a crying mess. I felt every emotion these people had, all their struggles I had the same or similar ones, their obsession with food was the same for me. Emotional eating is what I had a obsession with. It took over my life,mentally and physically!! I went to bed that night and had this nightmare of what my future would be. & it scared the HELL OUT OF ME. I was in my 40’s, unmarried, no kids, all these cats (I mean, I knew that part), and I was so overweight that I could no longer leave my apartment due to my weight. My sister and her husband and kids had to come and see me. & when I woke up the next morning, I balled my eyes out. I decided at that very moment that I needed to change. I knew for a fact that I couldn’t let that dream ever become my future. I have so much more to offer, I couldn’t imagine my life or my future to be so depressing and that I was literally digging my own grave. That day in June, I decided to change my eating habits. I couldn’t weigh myself then, I was too afraid of what the numbers would be. So I slowly changed my eating habits, which for me, that was a huge deal. I was the fast food & giant soda queen!! I went through extreme soda withdrawals for almost 2 whole weeks! How insane is that?! Having your body so depended on a drink that you are literally causing your body to have withdrawals?! Insane. That right there opened my eyes and showed my how much I’ve damaged my body. & in July I started adding walking everyday when I got home from work! & the rest is history! I’m almost down 70 lbs now and I’m still going! I’m not on this journey to become “skinny”, I’m here to be “HEALTHY”! I’m here to to live the life I deserve, & there is no goal I can’t reach!